Tom Brady

Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback in the history of EVER. Way better than that fuckin inbred hick ball licker Gayton Manning. He's won 3 Super Bowls to Manning's 1, but since most Gayton Manning fans can't count higher than 1 they all delusionally think he's better than Tom Brady. But of course that's only because they enjoy fellatiating Manning so much.

Oh yeah, BTW Tom Brady kicks ass.

Early Life
Tom Brady was born heterosexual, unlike Gayton Manning and all of Manning's fans. He lived in California, which is second in kickassingness as far as states go only to where he plays: Massachusetts. He plays for the best Franchise in the NFL: the New England Patriots. The Patriots and Brady are just about the classiest people you'll ever meet, way classier than Gayton "lets throw my teammates under a bus" Manning, and Tony the Ghost Grungy Dungy.

Contrary to popular belief Brady wasn't born better than Manning is now, he only reached that stage 47 seconds after birth when he threw a perfect spiral to someone other than the opposing Defense in the last few minutes of a Super Bowl against New Orleans.

College Career
Brady kicked names and took ass for the... wait is that right? Oh well, I'll fix it before I hit the save page button... Wait, if you're reading this it means I already hit the save page button. Fuck, that's what I get for listening to Manning talk for more than a nanosecond, now I have secondary retard's disease. Luckily it's easily curable as anything associated with a hick like Manning can be defeated by his mortal enemy: soap.

Where was I? Oh yeah right, how much Brady rules. I mean, I could tell you but even if you weren't a retarded Colt fan you still wouldn't get it. Lets just put it this way, when Stephen Hawking tried to start calculating how awesome tom Brady was he was able bodied. Nuff Said? I thought so.

P.S. Maddox kicks ass!

NFL Career
Though he has years left to play, he's already the best player ever, and much like President Obama in relation to his predecessor, he could simply show up at work every day and play Tetris on an old monochrome Gameboy and still be better than his competition.

Oh yeah, and the Colts suck and Bill Polian loves a good deep dickin. And Dallas Clark signed a 100 year contract to star in Gay porn's version of "Rhinos love Dallas" I'll let you use your own imagination there.

The Draft
Brady was picked by the Patriots 199th overall because the Patriots aren't retarded like other teams and covet value over bloated contracts.

Taking Over For Drew Bledsoe
Drew Bledsoe got totally ended by some guy who plays for a team almost as Gay as the Colts: The New York Jests. Then TFB (Tom Fuckin Brady) came in and tore shit up like it ain't no thang, then got a fiznuckin first round bye nizza!

The Tuck Rule Game


Then, in the Divisional Round the Raiders had a totally correct by the rule book call go against them and whined lik the little bitches they were. Now, I personally think they were just tryin to outdo the Colts in whiny bitchery, but everyone knows the only way to do that is to totally and completely gobble the cock, and I mean really layin into it. I mean to be as nasty as the Colts you literally have to be able to suck the chrome off a bumper, much like how Sarah Palin got the gig as VP nominee.

Anyway, the Tuck Rule call was legit, so all you haters can go back to doing what you do best: Sucking moose cock for bus fare and then walking by choice.

Subsequent Years
Already the best Playoff QB in the history of the whole fucking sport, TFB beat that fucking panzy ass Gayton Manning at his own game by torching defenses and taking away Manning's precious 49 TD in a year record. Now some really, totally Gay people will say, in between slurping Gayton's knob, that Manning got taken out of some games early while TFB stayed in. I respond to that simply with the following statement.

50 > 49 FUCKERS! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLCOPTER!!!111ONEELEVEN

Oh, BTW 3 > 1 BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, suck my big hairy nuts queers.